Stab TV

At a recent weekend film course I completed, one of the things I picked was that instead of you going to others, find a way to bring them to you.

STAB TV is what I came up with.

In a nutshell, it's me talking about things that I talk about. I try to make it a little more interesting with jokes and pictures and the like, but that's essentially it.

I've shown it to Vanessa, who's my biggest fan and harshest critic, and she had a few good points to make. I'm not going to post them, cause I want others unbiased opinions.

Any way, here it is. The intro teaser and the first episode.

13th of the tenth. . .

It's been my birthday for the last ten minutes.

I'm 35. I'm still unemployed, but I'm happier than I was in the cinema. I still have my girl by my side, though only metaphorically at this precise moment. I still have my hair. It's mostly in my comb and shower drain.

I'd like to say that this is not where I pictured I would be at 35, but the truth is, I never pictured myself ever being 35 years old. I didn't think I'd be dead by now or anything, I just never imagined being this age.

I'm trying not to be depressed on my birthday, but it's hard. I'm lonely. even though I still have some fantastic friends out there, I don't really get to see them very often, and get to just relax and hang out even less. My past weekend rip to Wagga wasn't relaxing at all, because it was mostly driving. I had other shit going on in my head. It did serve to remind me how much time I spend on my own nowadays. And because of my financial situation, I couldn't arrange to do anything for my birthday either, which I wanted to kick off in style, seeing as it's a monument age.

Anyway. I'm now 35 years old. The only wish I had for today was that I wasn't still stuck in the cinema by now, a wish I thankfully got. The rest can figure itself out.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Woah. Work!

Geez, it's been a month since I posted.

Done on purpose, actually. Trust me, a month of "Still unemployed, no job, how will I survive, can't pay my rent, god I'm bored, I want a job" blah blah blah would have just bored all of us.

So my eternally intelligent girlfriend came up with a great idea. Become a film extra. Earn money, do something I'm interested in, make contacts, pick brains. It was a great idea. Can't believe I never thought of it. I signed up with an agency on Tuesday. My fretting over not being able to pay rent this week - hasn't changed yet - inspired me to call up and ask for work. And I got some!

It was a show called I Rock for ABC2. Doesn't start till February next year, for all of those out there with digital TV's. I'll keep you posted. Nearly 11 hours later, and I actually earned some money. Yay me.

More stuff coming up, but I'm knackered and couldn't be bothered typing.

So I'm currently experiencing a massive panic attack. And I can't call anyone, cause I don't have a phone.

This came out of nowhere. I was watching War of the worlds - the Spielberg one- and it hit me. Actually, I was thinking about my next electricity bill and how it's going to be nasty. Taking deep breaths now. OK starting to fade.

Ness was meant to come over tonight, but didn't. she was tired. It's fine by me, cause I'm not feeling the best anyway. Don't know what I'm eating, but it's having some nasty side effects.

Gotta keep talking. or typing. Just focusing on something else other than the pain in my chest. Thing about panic attacks, they feel like a heart attack. You're chest gets all tight, you can't breath. Hands are shaking like nothing else. Gotta keep focused. Just keep typing. Doesn't matter what, just keep typing. Went to Parramatta to talk to tony today. Poor bastard is going through some shit. Who isn't. He's thinking about turning to religion. Strange coincidence. Should listen to what the universe is telling me. What is going on with me? I'm really uncomfortable. Ah. Pain.

Think I'm calming down. Can't tell. Keep typing. keep typing. What the hell is that that hurts so much? Something to do with my leg. Nerve damage. Leg is getting worse. Can't sit in my car. Gonna go have a shower. Hot water. sounds good. Wish my hands would stop shaking.

I wonder who owns Automan. Wanna do a comic about it. Wish I coul, nope shakes are back. So's the chest thing. Breath deep, breath. Shower. Very good idea. Don't want to leave keyboard. Rorscahs journal. hrmm.

I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. Calm down. calm down. Don't know if this typing is helping. Calm. Breath.

OK, now I'm dizzy. My leg hurts. Gonna have a shower.



OK. I'm alright now.

Sexy, Sexy man!

I've been wanting to do this for a while. Now that I have some time on my hands. . .

Ever seen this thing?


IT was created by a plastic surgeon who primarily works with people who have been disfigured due to accident. He did a pretty extensive study on the physics of beauty. Using some strange calculation, which I think has something to do with 16:9, he mathematically created this mask, which he uses as a template when he recreates faces. John Cleese did a Doco on it, which is on You tube.

I found the mask on the web, and wanted to try it over my face, just to see how I measured up. Amie and her new Psychology degree can analyse the hell out of my insecurities for doing this, but I was curious.

But, instead of just laying it over and getting all upset and depressed about not matching up (I knew it wasn't going to, or else I would have had a lot less trouble with jobs and women over the years) I took it a little further. I took advantage of all that Photoshop knowledge that's going to waste right now and came up with a few images.

So here we go. This is me, untouched. I added the black in the background, but this is how I am normally.


This was the first thing I did. It said on this doco that beauty comes from symmetry. So I mirrored my face, just to get me straightened up a bit.


And here it is. The 'perfect' me. It took quite a bit of tweaking to get my face to fit into that stupid mask thing. But here I am, how I would look if I was more mathematically attractive.


You know what though? of the three, the one I like the best is the top one. Straight me. With all my flaws and imperfections. The broken nose, the scars, you name it. Because, at least it's a real face. I'm not the prettiest guy in the world, but it's my face and I like it. If others don't, who gives a shit.

In a strange sort of way, I think I just got a bit of closure over something that has been subconsciously bothering me for years. A weight I didn't even know was there has suddenly lifted off my shoulders.

Here grooves the bride

Normally I avoid these viral things like the plague (Leave Brittney Alone! Be a fucking man!) but this one I love.

I have so much respect for these guys. They wanted to do something unique for their day, and make it fun for everyone. I always respect the hell out of people who have the guts to find a way to put their own brand on things. I wish more people would do it.

Enjoy Jill and Kevin

Fucking FanBoys

Why Green Lantern Movie won't work.

You know what I hate? Comic book fans.

Let me elaborate. I just read at the above link a guy wining about the upcoming Green Lantern Movie, and why it will fail. He starts off explaining that he has been a life long Green Lantern fan.

There's your first reason to ignore the guy right there.

Now yeah, I am a comic book fan. And I'm very passionate about my fandom for the 4 colour sequential world. I also have lots of friends who share my passion. The big difference is that we are not HARD CORE fans. We're not fan boys.

What's the difference? Simple. I'm willing to give change a chance. Fanboy's aren't.

Case in point. My Ex is a huge X-men fan. She knows The histories, the interactions, all that. Personally, I hate the X-men. But I loved the movie. She, on the other hand, was pissed off by that film. Why? Because Wolverine and Rouge hate each other. That's it! In the comics, those two don't get along. So she would quite often launch into some diatribe about the films needing to be completely re shot, in accordance with the history established in the comics.

Now, movies and comics are two completely mediums. Yes, they highly influence each other. But one is not the other. So, things that work in comics, wouldn't necessarily work on film. There needs to be a certain level of translation. Same with books, or plays, or anything like that. It just seems that comics get the more insane fans. You know, I even heard people complaining that Wolverine should have been wearing the yellow spandex in the film. Who the hell wants to see that! For comics to be translated to film, you have to accept a level of adaption. You have to strip the story right back down to it's original idea and inspiration, and then re build up from there. I get this. Annoyingly though, most Fanboy's don't.

Which leads me to this above idiot. I couldn't even finish reading this fucking thing. He was trying to explain why Green Lantern won't work. All his explanations hark back to him being a comic fan. How can you do this story without all this back story and history from the comics? How can you explore this character without including all this continuity from the comics? How can you have this character without the last 50 fucking years of comic book stories? Simple. YOU DON'T!!!!

I learnt a very important lesson while watching the Watchmen movie. I really liked that movie. I think it was an excellent translation of the Graphic Novel, it was probably the closest and most faithful adaption of the work that will ever be made. But on my first viewing, sitting there in the theatre, less than a minute into the film, something dawned on me. I knew how that film was going to end. I knew and loved that story so much, that that film really didn't hold any surprises for me. (Not counting the sex scene in the Owlship. Woah.)

The point is, what's the point of telling the exact same story that has already been told? Tell your own fucking story, don't just repeat someone else's! And that's what a translation from comic to film should be! The character has been around for 40 or 50 years because there's been 40 or 50 years of new story tellers telling new stories. If you told the same story again and again, no one would keep reading it, and it wouldn't have had the impact and the staying power that the character seems to have had.

Fuck, I hope I'm making sense.

Green Lantern is a sci-fi action adventure story, with a little bit of a cop mystery story thrown in. They stick with that, they should be fine. I have my own ideas on how the movie should run, mostly just some key scenes. Ask me around a able one day and I'll recite them. But I'm leaving this in the hands of the film makers, and I'm going to reserve judgment until I've seen it.

And for all the Fanboys out there. You're entitled to your opinion. But that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to mine.

Screeching U-turn

Beginning of this week, I had work to keep me busy, money coming in and the promise of more of both.

Now, not so much.

I'm not going into it. Long, annoying story that just pisses me off every time I think about it. So, instead of being able to comfortably look for work and keep paying my bills, I'm kinda fucked and completely broke in say, two weeks. I can afford rent this week just gone and next week, and then that's it. So now I'm out and about, trying to just get a fucking job, regardless.

Last time I did that, I wound up at the cinema for three years.

I'm fucking shattered. Absolutely. I need to go out and just get the first fucking job that comes along. That NEVER works out.

I haven't been this bored or lonely in I don't know how long. Perfect time for me to pick a fight with Vanessa.

I'm going a little insane.

To try and keep myself occupied, I've been working on different art projects. Tony's Ozslaught pages, Cyborg Vampires, even RoboToon 4 pages. The one at the top I did just for the hell of it.

I like it.

Oh my God! I have a day off!

It sounds stupid, but this only really just dawned on me.

It's Saturday. Which, for at least the last three years, and maybe more for that matter, really hasn't meant anything to me. Maybe I had it off, maybe I didn't. It was just another day. Because of it being the weekend, I don't really have a lot of job searching options. I desperately don't want to have to work weekends anymore, so the last time I should be looking is the weekend! So, I'm at home, without much to do.

Normally, this would be driving me up the wall. But I am sitting here, in my place, just relaxing and watching a movie. I honestly don't think I've done that the whole time I've been here! I've had movies on, sure. But usually just as background noise, while I've been working on other things. To have the chance to just sit down, relax, not have to worry about anything and just enjoy a freaking movie?

I really don't have the words.

And I'm sick, for Christ sake! I should be just relaxing at home, letting myself get better! That too has been such an alien concept to me that it's a shock that I'm getting to do it. I've had to push through and suffer on for years now. Now I can just let my body heal itself. My God!

If it wasn't for the ever decreasing sum of money I have, I might actually be enjoying having this time off.

God I hate being unemployed.

So today, I went canvasing. I did yesterday as well, but that was in Parramatta. Today, I hit the big town. Caught the train into Sydney, armed only with a folder full of resumes, a two page list of businesses I could hit and my winning personality.

And I came up with bubkiss.

It was an interesting experience, I gotta admit. For instance, I never knew that paramount pictures had an office in Sydney. Found it! It was the first place I tried asking. Of course, there was nothing available, but I was kinda expecting that. It also amazes me how many businesses that are still advertised in the yellow pages no longer exist. There was one that I found completely hilarious. I had the address, found the building, went up to the appropriate floor and found . . . nothing. LITERALLY nothing! The entire floor was empty. It was surreal.

After about 5 hours of walking up and down Sydney and being rejected, I sort of got over the whole thing and headed home. There are still a couple places on my list that I have to try out, but that can wait for another day. I found an ad on seek when I got home that sounded really good and rang the guy advertised. Hopefully that at least leads to an interview, but I've got at least a week to wait before I find out. Not going to sit around and wait.

Speaking of waiting, that guy I had the interview with during the week didn't call today like he said he would. No real surprise there. If offered, I'd take the job, but after meeting him, I really don't want the job. Of course, you know what they say about beggars and choosers.

Soon. I will have a new job soon.

Gotta keep thinking that.

Progress?

The savings account just went under a thousand bucks. That gives me three more weeks of rent and bills. Centerlink, if it ever kicks in, will give me about 6 before I can't afford to live anymore. I've been dropping resumes off the last few days, but so far, zippo. I'm supposed to hear back from that interview I had the other day tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. You can tell in an interview when someone isn't interested, and they weren't. Don't know why the guy wasted both of our time. I'm hitting the city tomorrow. I have a two page list of places to hit, just in the CBD.

I'm trying very hard to stay positive. Very hard.

The Goal

I will have a new job by the end of this month.

- A job working in the creative industry.

- With a diverse and interesting range of work.

- In a friendly environment.

- With an easy commute, preferably on public transport.

- Earning a good salary - $45- $55

- Working weekdays only, NO WEEKENDS!!

- With Holiday, sick and super.

- Working for a decent boss.

Where do ideas come from?

So just recently, I took off up to Wagga in what I referred to as an impulsive inland trip in a desperate attempt to recharge my soul. Trust me, it helped.

Anyway, one of the nights I was up there, Steve dropped by and we proceeded to yell shit at each other, as we usually do. At some point - I don't remember how it came into the conversation - he spontaneously came up with a ridiculous title that kinda stuck in my head.

So last night, I home, I'm a little bored, I'm looking for something to do when I remember his title.

So here it is. My quick and rough 'cover' sketch for

"CYBORG VAMPIRE WOMEN FROM SPACE VS DINOSAURS"

Let's see them fit that on a ticket stub!

I even have a story, so you never know what I might come up with.

Owning up.

So I got myself fired again.

Really not a good feeling. And yes, I will freely admit it. It was my fault. I completely screwed up.

I should have quit over a year ago.

First up, this isn't me trying to shift the blame and somehow make it all 'not my fault'. I don't do that anymore. Truth be told, I had been screwing up a lot lately. It's actually really hard to get fired from - fuck it, I don't work there anymore - Hoyts. Get caught stealing something, insult a manager, fuck someone on the premises and you get kicked out pretty much straight away. Other than that, it takes a bit of effort on your part to get them to show you the door. I didn't do any of these. I got let go because I had been screwing my job up. Missing things mostly. A shitload of minor errors that all added up. And yeah, no excuses. It was all my fault. I was completely fucking up. Like it or not, I earned it.

Why was I fucking up so much? Simple. I didn't care anymore. No matter how hard I tried, I just could not make myself give a shit. I hated that place. I was so over it.

I had been working there for 3 years. Because of the nature of it, I had been working the entire three years without a break. And I really needed one. It was also casual shift work. Meaning there was absolutely no structure to it. I could work any time of the day or night, any day of the week. Mostly working at nights. I haven't had a weekend in over three years without having to book it a month in advance. This might sound like petty shit, but trust me, it adds up. My health - both physical and mental - was seriously degrading. Boy do I have some stories about that. If I wasn't fired, I was going to put in for stress leave.

So yeah. I'm out. I'm unemployed. Again. If you've ever been in this predicament, you'd recognise that awful feeling in the bottom of your gut. The thing is, it's a good thing. I HAD to get out. Just for me in general.

Like I've written before, I'm trying to take responsibility for my life. But I was missing half of the equation. I was owning up to what was wrong in my life, and trying to correct that. But I was ignoring that which wasn't right. In other words, you have to take responsibility for your happiness as well. If you're not happy in something, be it a relationship, a home, a job, or whatever, you take responsibility for it. Part of that is that you fix it if it's worth fixing. But, if it can't be fixed, or isn't worth fixing, you got to have the courage to admit that and move on. I didn't. I'll admit that. I stayed in a situation I shouldn't have long after I should have left. And because of that, it deteriorated to a point where one of us had to make a move. It turned out to my boss who did what had to be done. This is something that I have to take to heart and try to learn from.

I take a little comfort from the fact that I know, 5, 10 years ago if this had of happened, I would have been blaming them and saying it's all their fault, spinning the story to others to make me look like the victim.

I'm learning. Albeit slowly.

Fuck.

Through contacts, I had managed to find a lady who worked for a printers who was willing to give me quite sizable discounts in regards to printing. This is something that an amateur publisher like myself dreams about finding. Printing is one of the biggest costs involved in the amateur publishing racket, and one of the main reasons that people wind up dropping out.

Unfortunately, with the way things are going in he world right now, this extremely kind lady is no longer to able to help me out in this endeavour. I now have to pay full price for my printing costs. Which, the way things are going in the world, is not an appealing prospect, and may well be the reason I stop publishing comics.

Like I said. Fuck

The Accomplishment List

OK, I'm kinda doing this more for myself than anyone else. I was having a little bit of a dark moment last night, feeling like I kinda of wasted the last 10 years of my life. Which, after giving myself a mental face slap, I sort of realised wasn't true. Yeah, I will admit, I've made some choices that weren't exactly the best, but I've done some other things as well, things I should be proud of. So here we go. In no particular order. Me from 25 to nearly 35.

1. Managed to save 4 grand, even though I was unemployed for large chunks of the time.
2. Completed a Web Design course with distinctions in certain subjects.
3. Completed a Fine arts course, once again with distinctions in certain subjects.
4. Confronted my dad about him terrifying me for the last 30 years.
5. Wrote, drew and published 4 comics.
6. Took on a completely different career and managed to survive.
7. Managed to accomplish things in a short tenure as a 3D animator that would normally take up to 5 years of study to learn.
8. Made a film that was publicly shown in a film festival.
9. Moved out of home and made it on my own.
10. Went to my high school reunion and laid to rest a lot of old ghosts.
11. Made a lot of new friends whom I believe are going to be life long friends.
12. Found the love of my life.
13. Was entered in an art competition
14. Got a first aid degree.
15. Did a comedy routine.

That's all I can think of right now. Not the longest list in the world, but still it's stuff that I can truly be proud of. I'm sure if I made a list of things I've screwed up in the last ten years, it would be a much longer list, but still. It's not a crime to fail. Doesn't feel very good, but as long as you try to learn from it and keep growing, it's worthwhile.

And done.

At 4.09, Thursday morning, June 18th, I finished the last page of artwork for RoboToon Issue 3.

Man in the Mirror

When you were a kid, did your father ever yell at you "Have a good hard look at yourself!!"? If you were like me, if ever you heard this, it mostly meant that you were in some seriously deep shit from the old man. Let's face it, this was always one step away from "You're a worthless little shit and I should have invested in birth control!!". And like most, I usually ignored it. Strangely though, that old dad cliche has been coming back to haunt me recently. Because I actually HAVE been having a good hard look at myself. And the truth is, I don't really like what I see.

This isn't really a recent phenomenon. I have moments in my past where I look back and see the person I was and realise what a scumbag I kinda was. I feel sorry for my parents when I think of the type of kid I was. I was a punk of a teenager. I made some progress in my twenties, but not a hell of a lot. Even now, in my thirties, I still see myself in past events and don't like the guy I was. But that has almost always been a retroactive opinion. There would be times I see myself, but gloss over the bade parts. But for a while now, I'm looking at me, as am now. And there are things about me I really don't like.

The lying is the big one. I just do it. It's out of my mouth before I even realise what it is I'm saying. It's never huge stuff - I'm not trying to convince people I'm something I'm not. My name really is Shannon Browning - but if I'm in a situation where I'm in trouble, or something has happened that was either directly of indirectly my fault, I do tend to find someway of explaining it that doesn't make me look so bad. Putting a spin on it, I believe most advertisers would call it. The thing about that is, you actually start believing it. And I hate it. About the only person I don't lie to in some form or another is my friend Amie. No, I'm not just saying that because she reads this. Her, and her Husbands opinions of me a very important, so I try to be as truthful as possible. The fact that she can just get the truth out of me even when I'm lying to myself is a big factor as well.

The other big thing is that I seem to have this thing about getting something for nothing. if there's some way I can cheat the system, I'll try and do it. This, more often than not, leads to some rather big problems and also leads me back to problem number one. Again, not something I am proud of. The stupid part is, even when I catch myself doing these things, I do feel ashamed of myself, but proceed to do them anyway.

Why the hell then am I writing about these, here in this public forum? Why am I risking the opinions of those who know me and read this thing. Because, as I said, I'm looking at myself and not liking certain parts. So, I'm trying to change them. Confessing to these things is a big part of it. I'm putting it out there so people know I do these things, in an attempt to not do these things. I truly do want to be a better human being then what I've been. I just didn't know where else to start.

I think the real reason that I'm doing this is because, twofold, I don't like who I've been and wish to improve. But also, I finally have someone in my life that means the world to me. And I think she deserves to have a good man in her life. She seems to think, for now, that that man is me. So it's now up to me to become the type of man believe she deserves.

I want to be a better man. Both for her sake, and for my own. Please understand why I am trying and forgive me if I fall.

And the tally is. . .

15 pages and cover down. 11 to go.

I really would like to know where I suddenly get this work ethic from every time I do a new book.

Home

My parents had a lot of trouble out their place back when I was living there. Shit with a neighbour. Not something I want to go into here. We had several break ins, a fire, our animals were shot and killed one night. It took a while to get to the point where you felt safe at home again. The subconscious thing that helped was that they never made it inside the house. You always felt safer knowing that the house was mostly impenetrable. At least it felt that way.

I've been living out of home in one form or another for the past 5-6 years now. And I've never had any sort of problems like that since then. Guess I got a little comfortable with the idea - rather the delusion - that it couldn't happen to me.

Until this morning.

I woke up this morning and noticed that the interconnecting door between the outer area's and the main room was open. This struck me as odd straight away, because I never leave it open. I hate having the door open when I sleep. It's a thing. I crawled out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen. At which point I noticed that my front door was hanging wide open.

Yeah, that's how I felt.

My neighbour John, who is just an old guy who can't walk to well was putting things on the clothes line. I asked him if he had seen anyone around my place during the morning, like you would. I checked the door, which had been unlocked and opened. AS you would think, the first thought was that maybe I left it open. That disappeared real quick. There was a massive storm last night, with a wind blowing up a gale outside. My door doesn't close unless it's locked. if it wasn't, the wind would be blowing that door all over the place. Which leaves only one option. Someone with a key had unlocked my door and come into my home.

Just so that sinks in, I'll repeat it. Someone, without my knowledge or invitation, unlocked my door and came into my home. While I was there. Asleep.

If you're suddenly getting a feeling of dread in the lower pit of your stomach, you can imagine where I was about that time.

So, I went through my house to see if anything was missing. This kind of thing, the first thing you check are all the big, expensive items. Computer, TV, camera's, that sort of thing. All there. So I believed that someone had come in, realised I was there, then made a quick retreat. I decided to go out and buy a new lock for the front door and install it. I had a shower, still feeling a little creeped out, got dressed and was about to go when I realised I couldn't find my wallet. Or my keys. I did a pretty intensive search in all the places I would have stuck them, getting more and more uneasy. I ran outside to check if my car was still there. It was. Came back inside, searched some more. I finally went out to my car to search it. Getting to my car, I tried the handle. It was open.

I NEVER leave my car open. I lock the damn thing twice when I'm walking away.

Upon opening the door, I saw my keys sitting in the ignition. I was really starting to freak out by this time. I took my keys out and checked the car. No wallet. Closing up and locking the car, I realised why my car was still sitting in the driveway. There's a trick to starting my car. Even when you know it, it can still trick you. I'm guessing that whoever grabbed the keys tried to start and take the car, and when they couldn't get it started, they left the keys where they were. Yes, thanks to a little bit of a design glitch in my car, I still own it.

I've reported all this to the cops. They're arranging to get a fingerprint person out here tomorrow, but it's been raining heavily and I've possibly been smudging anything inside the house, so I'm not really expecting them to turn up to much. The scariest part about this is that this wasn't something completely random. Someone who has lived here before or has access to this place before - they have a key - came into my house while I was asleep and stole stuff from me. The only reason they didn't get away with more was because they couldn't figure out how to work my car. My hands are trembling as I type this and I am restless and uncomfortable in my home.

The worst part is that I have reason to suspect that it may have been one of my neighbours that did this. I'm going to report that information to the cops first thing tomorrow.

Your home is the one place you're supposed to feel safe. It's the place where you can lock the world and all it's problems outside and just relax and be yourself. In one selfish and inconsiderate act, that's been taken away from me. God help the person I suspect if they turn out to be responsible.

My lease runs out in August. I'm gone the next day.

RoboToon vs The Transformers

I'm sorry if I'm being boring and repetitious, but the only thing I have on my mind lately is giant robots.

First up, no I haven't signed up for some sort of comic crossover - although, now that I think about it, it would be cool. No idea what the story would be - it's just the conflicting desires in my brain between these two great loves of mine.

As you know, I have been working very diligently on the next issue of my bunny book. I just finished my 13th page last night, which puts me over the halfway mark. Admittedly, I am thinking about putting another double page spread in to beef up one of the scenes, but I digress. My deadline for the book is this years Supanova convention.

What's also taking up a lot of my thought processes is the Transformers sequel that is coming out this year, which I am very much looking forward to, huge geek that I am.

The ironic part about this is that the deadline for both of these things is pretty much exactly the same time.

Transformers starts June 25th. This is also the very last day I can leave it to to get my book published in time for the convention. It's not done by then, it won't be done.

So. I look at The transformers, and I want this date to arrive faster. Then I look at the work I have still to do, and I want that date to take it's time.

Like I said. Conflicted.

It started.

The first two action figures from the new Transformers movie were released. Bumblebee and Soundwave. I already have two Bumblebee's - The 70's version camero and the funky new camero version - so I didn't get the new figure. Even though they resculpted his head, and he looks really cool now. But I did get Soundwave.

Soundwave was the big character ommission from the first movie. They tried to work him in a few times, which turned into Blackout and Scorpornok, then Frenzy. The helicoptor and the stereo for the ungeekafied.

Now, although I like the design of Soundwave, I'm really not that impressed with the figure. For one thing, it's Tiny! I've put it up on the shelf with all of my other figures from the first movie and it's without a doubt the shortest one. Add on top of that, it's a bitch to transform. There are too many bits which just 'sit there'. They don't click in or attach or anything.

Still. Looking forward to seeing him in the movie though.

Plugging away

6 down. 20 plus cover to go.

Why don't I blog much anymore?

Long story short. Nothing is going on.

I really don't feel like I'm doing anything at the moment that is worth writing down. I know I'm in a bad spot in my head at the moment, and I really don't want this to turn into just a forum for me to whine. So, most of the time, I just don't post anything.

Besides, the only people that read this fucking thing talk to me in person any way. There's a certain level of redundancy to it.

I should work!!

I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF DRAW!!!!!!

I should be drawing. I have the day off, I have PLENTY of pages to get done, but for some God knows why reason, I'm too damn restless. I can't sit at my drawing table for any more than about twenty minutes before I need to get up and go do something else.

I'm sure I'm behind schedule. I've only got 4 pages completed, and it's only a few more months before the con, when I need to have the book finished.

I need to find a way to calm myself down and do some work.

This is shitting me.

Horrorflix - Holy fuck up.

Little harsh maybe.

I finally managed to upload the final cut of Horrorflix version 2.0. I've been getting exceedingly frustrated with the fact that my movies look like shit. Not necessarily from my film making ability, but rather the quality. They're pixelated like nothing else. I've been doing all manner of things to try and get the quality up, but to no avail. No, considering I've spent nearly $4000 or so on top notch equipment and software, this is something I was really shitty about.

I was going through the instructions for both my camera and software, and I think I may have found the solution. Only thing is, it may mean I have to completely re cut the film. No a prospect I'm looking forward to.

I did a quick cut of something else we started working on a while back that just wasn't working. It's still being uploaded, so I'll stick it up later, but below is the final cut of Horrorflix. Lucy - my song maiden - is going to try a redo of the sound, so I'm half tempted to go through and fix the video myself, which is going to be a lot of work, but hopefully it'll be worth it.

Anyway, let me know what you think. This damn flick has been floating around for ever.

Back to the Bunny

So I finally worked out the remaining few pages on Robotoon 3. I had the first 15 and the last 9 figured out, but I was stuck in the middle. There was a whole sequence I had planned on including, but if I did it the way I wanted to, it would have required another 8 pages in the middle, at least. Considering I have three months to get this finished in time for Supanova, I needed to try and find a way around that.

So tonight, Finally, I figured out the last two pages. It still works, and I can just save the sequence for another story. It was one joke, which just extended the story. It'll float around in the cesspool of consciousness until I can work it into something else.

I've got a large amount of the pages photocopied and transferred onto the final art board, and I've gotten into the inking. Since I've finally relented and abandoned the brush and ink, things seem to be moving a lot faster, I hate to admit. So, a few months work and I'll have another chapter in this continuing saga.

The Long Hard Goodbye.

I've got this strange affliction that seems to hit with an alarming regularity.

I was a really lonely kid. Never had many friends throughout the last couple years of primary school and all throughout High School. Never really knew why. Maybe I was just an obnoxious little shit. Who can really judge their personality at that age?

After leaving High School and going to college, I started being able to make friends. But I started noticing a nasty trend. Every time I became good friends with someone, they'd leave. No jokes please. I can tell better ones than you.

It was this strange coincidence that my friends would suddenly need to move, or change state, or go inland or whatever. Being paranoid? My best mate from college moved to the Philippines. My friends from Camp are in Perth, England, and the US. The parents of my god children packed up and went to the US. David and Eliza went to England, Chris and Amie went to Wagga, Joy went to England, Mel moved to Melbourne, Glen and Ted are packing up and moving to Mudgee. . . The list goes on.

And now, my best mate Tony is moving up to Gosford.

The worst thing about this is that, thanks to modern technology, you get to see photos of these people and how their lives are going. That's not a bad thing. All of them seem to be thriving, which is what I would hope for them all. But the overwhelming feeling you get is that you're missing out. All these people whose lives are so important to you, and you feel like you don't get to share in their lives. This may sound like selfishness, and maybe it is. But on the flip side, they don't get to share in your life either.

I was trying to think of someone who could come with me to this film festival if my girlfriend didn't want to come. I couldn't think of anybody.

It's a horrible feeling when you feel like you're losing all your friends.

Weddings, Weeks off, Film festivals and Ghost of Girlfriends past.

Why are my headings longer than most people's blogs?

Anyway. It seems I moved into my new home just long enough to disappear for a week. I had my first 'holiday' in possibly about 7 or 8 years. It essentially consisted of me jumping in a car and driving for 6 days.

I planned it to so my time off work coincided with my friends Chris and Amie's wedding. Considering that half of the people who read this blog ARE Chris and Amie, this news may be slightly redundant. Tony and I headed up on the Friday before the wedding, and made it in time to pick up my suit and hang out with the happy couple before heading to the Rehearsal. We were delayed by a stop in Gundagai, which why there hasn't been a horror movie set in that town, I don't know. Anyway, from the rehearsal, we went to Chris's best friend and Best man Ben's place for a BBQ. So we could find the place, Chris arranged to ride in my car and direct us. After which, he promptly got into a DIFFERENT car and forgot all about us.

This is why we love Chris. The fact he remembered he was getting married still slightly bewilders me.

On Saturday, we headed out to their place, found out Amie was getting her hair done, so, with my video camera in tow, we headed out. After talking and filming the girls briefly - which I forgot to change the mic input on, so there's no sound - we headed for Ben's place to talk to Chris. Where Tony and I had a blast playing with Steve's Nerf gun collection. The comparison between the Bride's pre-wedding preparation and the Grooms still staggers and amuses me.

Amie entrusted me with picking up the cake and delivering it to the reception room. I don't think bomb disposal crews are as careful moving things as we were. Getting to the reception room early - which looked great - gave me a chance to go over things with the Matre De there as to how to work things, considering I was one of the Groomsmen and also the MC. We sorted it out, I checked the mic, tried a joke with Tony that did NOT work and took off. During the rest of the day, I ran from one place to another, checking in on things, making as many jokes as I could to keep people as relaxed as possible. Hopefully this worked. I enjoyed it, cause it made me feel like I was contributing more than just showing up.

We made it to the park where the wedding was going to be an hour early, as requested. It was warm, but not too bad. The spot Chris and Amie picked was really lovely, right by a small duck pond with a little alcove. We set up the table for the wedding certificate and the flowers and such - wrong, apparently - and waited. Amie was only about 10 minutes late - she's so punctual, I think even honouring this tradition was a little much for her. She looked absolutely beautiful in her dress, with her grandfather walking her down the aisle. The wedding went off without a hitch. Amie got a little choked up a few times while reciting her vows, but it was rather sweet.

Afterwards, we got photos taken and headed into the reception area. We got in, sat down, got fed, talked, laughed and hung out while I became exceedingly freaked out, waiting for my big moment. Being MC. Just before starting, I went and got a beer from the bar, just to get a little dutch courage in me. Usually, I have no problems talking in front of crowds, but as I've said before, Chris and Amie are both really important to me, and I wanted to give them a good show. I started by getting the crowd to sing Happy birthday to Steve, who turned thirty - That's 30! - on the same day as the wedding. I then got into my speech, which I mostly winged, and introduced the other speakers. I made some jokes, told some stories, poured my heart out and people seemed to enjoy themselves and laugh at all the right places. I did find out later, however that I inadvertently mentioned a couple things that Amie wished I hadn't. Which gutted me. The fact that she hadn't enjoyed the whole of my time with the Mic, which was what I truly was hoping for, completely floored me. I'm still a little regretful about it. Although I did love her comment of "I'm going to be mad at you for the next 45 minutes, then I'll forgive you, but I'll NEVER FORGET!"

The rest of the night was great. We danced and drank and generally just had a good night. I had a really good time, except for one little thing. My Ex, who was also a brides maid. I had been extraordinarily mad at her ever since we broke up about 18 or so months ago. I was aware of this, but not quite how much, as this was the first time I'd seen her or had to spend any elongated amount of time with her since. I was trying very hard to be nice, but it was really difficult.

The next day, we all hung out at the house the Richmond crew was renting while they were up there for a BBQ. I'd had enough of how bad I was feeling around Paula, so I straight away went and found her and we had a little chat. No, we had quite a large chat. I poured it all out. How angry I was, how much she had pissed me off, some of the stupid stuff she had pulled when we were together. She had a few things of her own to say, and it all came out as well. We weren't nasty about it, although I did say a few things through clenched teeth. And a really unexpected thing happened. It all went away. All the anger and resentment and hurt and whatever else was churning around inside me just left. We were actually getting along for the rest of the night, which I think everyone else appreciated. One person told me the frostiness between us could snap freeze a charging rhinoceros. I haven't forgiven her completely just yet. But I am forgiving her.

So, we finally left on the Monday, after getting Chris and Amie home safely and headed for Thurrioul, which is just north of Wollongong. I just wanted some time away from the world for a while, and there was a beach there. Ness came up and met up with us, and we had a good time. We spent one day at the Buddhist temple on the other side of Wollongong, which is freaking huge!

While we were in Thurrioul though, we got a call from Tony's new lady love, asking about our entries in a film festival. Long story short - which I'm sure you're hoping for by now - I'm shortlisted. My film The Lot is being screened. I'm going to post some details up here later.

Came home, was knackered, cleaned up my house, went to sleep.

The end.

I'm home.

For some reason I couldn't get to sleep last night, and now I can't stay asleep. I've only had four hours crash time.

On the upside though, last night was my first night in my new place.

I am so happy to be here. It took me two days to move in. Longer than I thought. Isn't it always the way? Went and picked up the keys Thursday morning I had Vanessa's help for Thursday. There is nothing than can charge up the guilty metre like watching your girlfriend carrying heavy boxes up and down a driveway in the rain. I'll have to find a way to make it up to her. I stayed at mum and dad's on Thursday, so I could get an early start Friday morning. Packed the last of my stuff into the truck, filled my car with boxes and was away. Around 7.30 last night, I moved the last box inside. About 2.30 in the morning, I had the place set up enough I could go to bed.

I've got a lot of washing up to do, because a lot of stuff has just been sitting in boxes for - literally - years, still a lot of unpacking and sorting and I really need a better Internet connection (Unwired Sucks!!) but, in spite of all that, I am really happy here.

Finally.

I took some photos, but the cable's still packed. Somewhere.

Moving day and the Flix

So I FINALLY get to move into my new house tomorrow.

God, it's been a long three weeks. I've felt so stuck in Limbo. But, all over now. Tomorrow morning, I wake up here. Tomorrow night, I go to sleep there. I'll worry about the semantics later.

On the flip side, I sent off my two entries for the Short Sighted film festival yesterday. Since it's the 13th festival, they're having a horror competition this year. Tony sent off his Black Sparrow film last Friday. I don't know how they got that finished so quickly. I sent off The Lot and the narrowly completed Horrorflix. Lucy gave me the music a couple days ago, I did all the sound and mixing in the last two days and burned the movie to DVD yesterday. Had a little bit of a nightmare when we tried to get the Money orders for the entry fees. but it all worked out in the end.

I'm uploading it to You Tube as we speak, but it's taking forever. I'll post it up here when it's done.

You can take your Gylenhall. . .

My friend Amie keeps bragging that she is facebook friends with Jake Gyllenhal. I don't think I spelled his name right, but that's just something I'll learn to live with.

Well, I upped it. I'm friends with Rob Schrab.

Who the fuck is Rob Schrab? He's the twisted Genius behind 'Scud the Disposable Assassin', 'Monster House' and 'The Sarah Silverman Show' among other things.

Nothing?

Not surprised. I think he's pretty cool though.

Scenes from a cinema

So recently, since it's been so stinking hot, I have been getting out of the house early and disappearing to cooler climates. This has included places like my car - when the A/C has had the chance to work it's magic - shopping centers and arriving at work early. One good thing about working in a cinema is that if you arrive early, you just go hang in a cinema for an hour and watch part of a movie.

Now, the whole reason I wen for the job at the cinema in the first place - apart from being desperate for a job - is that I'm a movie buff. But not just for the films themselves. I love the whole cinematic experience. I remember very fondly the local cinema in Penrith - the Hayden, I think it was - would have movies for $6 before 6 every Sunday. And I was there every Sunday. I'd get my huge cup of Pepsi and a packet of cheese Twisties, wander in, pick my best spot and wait. Eventually, the lights would go dim, the slides would come up, you'd get to see a few trailers and then it would go dark and the show would begin. I always used to get a little tingle of excitement whenever the opening logo would appear on screen, knowing I was about to be taken away from the world for a couple of hours.

The stupid part is, that now that I work at the movies, I never actually GO to the movies anymore. Work is a bit of a hike for me, and the last thing I want to do on my day off is go back to my place of employment. And going in early, even to see a film is . . ., well, how often do you want to show up early for work? And because I'm usually on the night shift, seeing things after work is out. We used to be able to play the movies for ourselves after work, but that got the kibosh put on it a while back. Also, the fact that I don't need to pay for movies at work, it seems stupid to go somewhere else and pay money. So, my opportunities to see movies are few and far between.

So, the last few days, when I've been able to sit in a cinema, not in uniform, not with a two way pressed to my ear in case someone calls me, has brought back all those memories of Sunday afternoons at the local multiplex. And like most good things, you don't realise how much you miss them until you get to experience it all over again. I remembering why I fell in love with the movies in the first place, and it's been melancholy but sweet.

ONe week to go

I move in next Thursday.

God, these three weeks are going slow!!!

The Countdown continues

I'm down to two weeks before i can move into my new place. I haven't felt anticipation like this since i was a kid waiting for Christmas. It's so frustrating. I just want to get in and start organising my place. That's the key word here. MY PLACE!

See, this is the first time, truly, hat it has been my place. Before this, I've lived with my parents, my girlfriend, flatmates, friends and so on. And in all those situations, it's never truly been mine. I'm just taking up a room, or staying briefly, or in the case of Paula, I just let her do what she wanted to get some peace. (God Christ, she was an annoying bitch.) But this place will be mine. Mine to organise how I wish, decorate how I wish, clean up or leave messy how I wish. No other rules to follow, no remembering that it's the cats home too, no tiptoeing around after dark, no keeping my door shut to get a little privacy. Mine. My own. My precio(nope, not going there).

But for now, I play the waiting game. It feels a little like everything is on hold. My comics, my movies - anything I want to achieve until I get settled. So yeah. I'm a little anxious.

At least there's a light at the end of this tunnel.

The Weed

One of Tony's comic creating cohorts is a guy named Craig McGuiness. Hope I spelt that right. Craig draws a character called the Aussie Battler, but he also has this whole mythos of characters, all based on Australian concepts. He's also created an entire mythology that his characters exist in, based on shady government agents, shady characters, and a group of revolutionaries trying to bring down the whole thing. His characters have names like Rdbk, Ash Wednesday and the Sons of Lightfoot.

I got a little inspired by Craig's character called The Weed, which is some sort of alien life form living in Lake Burley Griffith. I had a version of it pop into my head, and wanted to put it down.

And here's the result.

Scanner no more

My Scanner broke, damn it.

A little while ago, I forked out a bit of cash and got myself an A3 Scanner. I do most of my comic page artwork at A3, so it made sense. And it worked great, up until a week or two back. But it started making bad noises and crashing the computer. So, back to the store it went.

It's going to take about a month before it's repaired or replaced. Luckily, I guess, I can't really draw very much where I am at the moment, so hopefully it'll be back in time for me to start producing more art.

Frustrated.

I HAVE A HOME!!!!!!!!

You know what, that about covers it.

The only shitty part is, I don't move in until the 12th of February. So, onc again, my life is stuck in limbo for a while. At least there's a light at the end of this vortex.

Lost in Transistion

Happy New Year.

So far this year has, well, not been going to crash hot. First up, I moved, which turned out to be a rather traumatic experience. My ex flatmates were HUGELY undecided as to what they were going to be doing as far as living arrangements were concerned. It was to up in the air for me, so I was looking around desperately for a new place to live. The first piece of seeming luck that came along was an offer to share with an old school friend. Now, keep in mind, I didn't actually ask if I could live with this girl. I sent a message out on Facebook, asking if anyone knew of a room to rent anywhere. She responded, saying she owns a house, they had a spare room, if I was interested I could take her up on it. I was thrilled and told her straight away that I would gladly take her up on the offer.

At which point, she very quickly rescinded on the offer.

That really pissed me off. If I had of asked, and she did the turnaround thing, fair enough. But to offer something like that, and then take it back, I just felt that was kind of harsh.

So, moving right along. I kept looking, my room mates kept umming and Ahring about whether or not they were going to move or not. I got an offer from some friends about a small spare room they had at their place. All else fails, I could move in there for a while. My room mates were so up in the air about everything, I thought I'd just get pro active and move into this back room. Only problem was, it was just a lot smaller than I was used to. A LOT smaller. I packed up the majority of my belongings, stored them all at my parents house, and moved in.

So that's where I am now. At least until I find a new place to live, which is my number one priority at the moment.

More to come.