The Superman Returns Rant Part 1 - The History

Get comfy folks. This is going to be a long one.

First up, a little bit of back story. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a HUGE Superman fan. I started reading Superman comics back when I was in college, which was also the time of Superman’s death. I can’t tell you why the character captured me, it just did. Superman was one of the few characters that – at the time – had a new book out every single week. I was there for his death and eventual return, I have the wedding issue where he finally married Lois Lane after a 75 year courtship, I've been there through a lot of trials and tribulations in the characters life. And, believe it or not, he’s been there for me. I’ve been able to get through some very rough stuff with a little help from the Man of Steel. My favourite quote of his is not the one that he’s so well know for, but a simpler one. “There’s a right and a wrong in this universe. And that distinction is not hard to make.” And it’s true. There’s shit you do, and shit you don’t do. You already know which is which. That’s something I try to follow. I fail sometimes. But I try. Unlike him, I’m only human.

Anybody wants to pick on me for any of the above, stop reading now.

So, with that in mind, I had been a very close follower of the attempts at trying to get a new Superman film made. Believe it or not, this was a process that had been going on for years. Superman 4, the last Christopher Reeve film, was made in 1987. The film flopped, mostly because it wasn’t a very good film. An original idea for Superman to fight an evil, twisted version of himself was micro managed and focus grouped into Nuclearman, who looked like a cross between a beach bum and a Mexican wrestler. The franchise sort of ground to a halt around then.

After the first Batman film was a hit back in ’89, they stepped the attempt to get a new film into cinemas up a notch. A script had been going around Hollywood, which Kevin Smith took great delight in slagging off to Studio Execs after reading it. I’ve read it. It’s absolutely shit. I think whoever read it took one glance at the cover of a comic and wrote the script from there. Kevin Smith was then hired to write a version of the screenplay. It’s funnier to hear him talk about it.

His version was tossed out when Tim Burton was brought on. Classic Hollywood thinking – if he made the bat work, he could make the Boy Scout work. All superheroes are the same anyway, aren’t they? Apparently Tim worked one the project for over a year before it was scrapped again. What I’ve heard and seen of it, it would have been a fascinating film, but it would not have been Superman. I think that was the closest they got for a while – there was even promotional poster released to cinemas in certain places in the states. But, instead of Superman, we got Wild Wild West. And the world is such a better place for it (Insert sarcasm here).

After Tim disappeared to Sleepy Hollow, several Directors were signed to do the film. McG from Charlies Angels fame was attached, Brett Ratner who destroyed the Xmen franchise with his third installment called ‘Storm, and the others show up’. Or at least, it should have been. All these directors were working on pretty much the same story, which was the death and return of Superman. They wanted Doomsday in it, the wanted Braniac in it, they wanted Polar Bears in it – any thing that would look good as an action figure. There was all this talk about changing the suit – making it black, losing the cape, having the S shield morph into Knives. No, I’m not making that up – changing the man – making him blonde, making him African-American. Some of the casting decisions were just ludicrous. Nicholas Cage was attached for the Tim Burton version as Supes, they asked Will Smith to put on the cape – Beyonce Knowles was going all out trying to get the role of Lois Lane. . . All of this stuff just resulted in sending shivers up the spines of any Superman fan. And of course, while all this was going on, we were no closer to getting a new Superman film.

And then something happened. The announcement came out of yet another new director attached. None other than young Bryan Singer. Bryan, at that time, was very revered in the comic community, for managing to not only turn the convoluted Xmen franchise into a viable and entertaining film, but he managed to capture lightning in a bottle twice, by delivering a sequel that not only lived up to the original movie, but slightly surpassed it. I was working in the comic book store when the news came out. The only way to describe the feeling that came with that announcement was a huge sigh of relief. Fans finally felt that, not only was this movie FINALLY going to get made, but that the character was in good hands. We felt we could trust Singer.

How wrong we were.

More to come.