Late night rambling

I remember now why I was never much of a diary keeper. I way too often just had nothing to say, or had something to say but wasn't in the mood to write. Whatever.

It's 10 past one in the morning. It's raining rather heavily at the moment. I just got home from work and I'm tired, but restless. So I might stay up for a while. Tell you the truth, I have no idea where this post is going to take me. So hey, just enjoy the magic carpet ride as it takes us.

I started work today on my turbo mini jib. For the uninformed - which, quite frankly, is me. I have NO idea where the term jib comes from - a mini jib is a fancy term for camera crane. This thing doesn't have that much of a range - say the top of a street sign down to the ground - but it should help getting some more fluidity in some of my shots. To tell you the truth, I really get a kick out of making some of this stuff my self. It's never perfect or really that neat when I make it. I'm no carpenter. But there is just a feeling of accomplishment when you build something and it works. Maybe it's just another side effect of the whole creative thing. Granted, I'm nowhere near as good as My very beautiful girlfriend, Vanessa. That girl's amazing. some of the things she's constructed - all form her designs too. She plans them, builds them, figures out how to make them work - there's nothing that girl can't do once she puts her mind to it.

I'm sure I'm starting to make some of my friends bored by talking about her all the time, but I can't help it. Ness is , without a doubt,on of the most incredible ladies I've ever had the pleasure or meeting. The fact that I was lucky enough to have her in my life. I still have a little trouble believing it. I'm just looking at her photo which I ave beside my bed and grinning to myself. makes the stream of evil succubus's I had to go through before her seem almost worth it.

OK, enough rambling on about Ness. What else have i got for you. Ah! Of course. The Bunny.

Robotoon issue 2 is proceeding rather well, if not quite quick enough. I still have only 4 pages finished, but have a lot more on the way to finished. I'm trying to get a least something done every single day. The last two days were a write off though, cause I had friends over, and I always think it's kinda rude to just go off drawing when you have people around. Tried to make up for it tonight at work by getting some stuff done. I got some work done on this one page that has a very high perspective shot of the city, that's really a fucking nightmare. Seriously! I come up with this shots or angles in my head, without thinking that I have to draw the damn thing. Backgrounds are a huge weakness of mine as well, but I really wanted to show that all this was taking place in Sydney. So I have all these Sydney background shots that are going to slow me down. I could cheat, I know this. It wouldn't be hard to take the drawing reference photos I have and adapt them in photoshop, but that just feels wrong to me somehow. I feel like I'm ripping the audience off in some way. I'll see how well that sticks when I'm closer to deadline though.

Christ it's raining. It's pissing down outside.

That reminds me. I bought a dryer. I needed one with all this bloody rain. It's been making me think though. How do you suddenly find yourself at a point where you get excited over buying white goods? I remember when I was first looking for my own place, after breaking up with my ex. I had moved out with her originally, and she pretty much had taken care of getting a lot of the stuff we needed. (Of course, she had bought the most expensive models of things she could find, got them all on credit, then let the interest free period expire before she had paid them of, which put her even further into extraordinarily serious debt. Fucking idiot.) So when that stuff arrived, it really meant nothing to me. OK, big deal, it's a fridge. But when I was moving out, I started buying stuff that i would need. And I was getting such a kick out of it! I couldn't believe how much pleasure I got out of simply buying my own mop. It was a freaking mop, for Christ's sake! But I got no manner of joy out of it. Then came the other things. A microwave. A deep fryer. An iron. Even a vacuum cleaner. Most of this stuff is still in it's original box, packed up at my parents place eagerly awaiting the day I move into a new place where I'm going to need all of this. I think just the fact that it was mine - that I had used my money I had earned to buy myself the things I needed for my home. Made me feel - I dunno. The term 'grown up' keeps popping into my head. It's like you finally have achieved some measure of hard won Independence. Of course, I'm sure a big part of it was also the joy I was getting from finally getting out of that nightmarish four year relationship.

God, I still can't believe it was that long. Four god damn years of my life spent trying to be something I wasn't, all to keep someone else happy. Some one who was NEVER going to be satisfied with me no matter what I did. She had this stupid fantasy in her head of what things should be like, and if I didn't fit into the fantasy, or wasn't playing my part right, then it was all my fault and I was the bastard. Four years of not being allowed to my own emotions, or being denied the right to get angry or upset or frustrated, because how dare I ever imply that she was ever anything less than completely perfect. How dare I suggest that anything was ever in any way her fault. Constantly being accused of not putting enough into the relationship, of not including her in my life. Jesus, the only way she could be any further in my life was if I had her surgically attached to my hip. Of being lied to, and manipulated, and blamed and taken advantage of. Never fucking again, I tell you.

Sorry. Still have a few unresolved issues over that one.

OK. It's now 2.15. I've been typing on and off for over an hour. Think it's time to go to bed. I'll get back to the regular stuff in my next post.