Am I wrong?

Once again, my sense of right and worng, combined with my temper has resulted in an intresting on line arguement. I reacted, as I often do, with more of a impulsive explosion than a well thought out arguement.

Am I in the wrong? Tell me what you think.

The names have be changed to protect the stupid.

1st girl um jennifer hawkins bears her flaws? a crease on her his is due to bending to one side.. thats not going to make girls aware of anything. we need to see cellulite and rolls

2nd Girl

hahaha cellulite on a magazine cover would be ok but i'm not to sure i'd buy a mag that has rolls on the front of it :P

about an hour ago

Shannon Browning

No. We don't. Sticking a fat chick on a magazine cover isn't going to make women feel better about themselves. Stop expecting others to do something to make you feel better about yourself.

about an hour ago ·

1st

your quite rude shannon i love myself and i dont even buy the magazines so clearly im not referring to myself needing others to build my self esteem. i think if girls saw a little bit of curves not necessarily fat would make them feel okay to buy wat their wearing and have confidence. after all the magazines are there to advertise and sell clothes and it makes girls have eating disorders after discovering that the dress their fav model was wearing only comes in size 6

2nd girl

shannon is either a man or a skinny chick that just doesnt get what its like to be larger....is that right?

1st girl

yeah! a skinny man. put it this way when i read those mags that say stars at their worst and the pics are of them going from size 6 to 10 i wanna cry cos size 10 is healthy

Shannon Browning

Notice I never mentioned you. You made a comment, I responded. So even though you do like yourself, which is great, there is obviously something about yourself that you don't feel confident about. Don't take that out on me because I have a different opinion to yours.
And while I agree to not taking off blemishes and wrinkles and stray hairs, why ... See Moredo you suddenly have to have photos of larger sized, not as fit or toned women to represent women. Just show attractive women as they are. It's not Pretty girls fault that they're pretty. It's publishers faults that they're perfect.

2nd girl

hahaha i knew it! I kinda feel sorry for the stars it must make them feel like crap when any tiny amount of weight gain is publicized as it is. I do think that chicks should feel good about there bodies but it is hard and I know going from being larger to slimmer that it doesnt really make you feel better you still have those body image problems.Shannon once you have been a largerand also a lady.....then feel free to comment until then you have no idea.

2nd girl

been larger and a lady*

Shannon Browning

I'm not going to spend all night arguing this, but seriously. What a fucking naive comment! I don't understand body image unless I was fat and female?!? How fucking elitist are you? Yeah, I'm tall and skinny. And I was tall in skinny in High School, which made me a geeky freak. I was ridiculed for years BECAUSE OF WHAT I LOOKED LIKE! Which gave me ... See Morea negative body image, which was only enhanced by the imagery of other men around me, both peers and in the media. Which is something I had to make my own peace with. To think that only you can understand negative self image because you're female and had a few extra inches around the middle as a child is just fucking pathetic! Get your head out of your ass and stop acting like you own a problem because you once had to deal with it.

- overly aggressive, sure, but it pissed me off.

Stab TV

At a recent weekend film course I completed, one of the things I picked was that instead of you going to others, find a way to bring them to you.

STAB TV is what I came up with.

In a nutshell, it's me talking about things that I talk about. I try to make it a little more interesting with jokes and pictures and the like, but that's essentially it.

I've shown it to Vanessa, who's my biggest fan and harshest critic, and she had a few good points to make. I'm not going to post them, cause I want others unbiased opinions.

Any way, here it is. The intro teaser and the first episode.

13th of the tenth. . .

It's been my birthday for the last ten minutes.

I'm 35. I'm still unemployed, but I'm happier than I was in the cinema. I still have my girl by my side, though only metaphorically at this precise moment. I still have my hair. It's mostly in my comb and shower drain.

I'd like to say that this is not where I pictured I would be at 35, but the truth is, I never pictured myself ever being 35 years old. I didn't think I'd be dead by now or anything, I just never imagined being this age.

I'm trying not to be depressed on my birthday, but it's hard. I'm lonely. even though I still have some fantastic friends out there, I don't really get to see them very often, and get to just relax and hang out even less. My past weekend rip to Wagga wasn't relaxing at all, because it was mostly driving. I had other shit going on in my head. It did serve to remind me how much time I spend on my own nowadays. And because of my financial situation, I couldn't arrange to do anything for my birthday either, which I wanted to kick off in style, seeing as it's a monument age.

Anyway. I'm now 35 years old. The only wish I had for today was that I wasn't still stuck in the cinema by now, a wish I thankfully got. The rest can figure itself out.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Woah. Work!

Geez, it's been a month since I posted.

Done on purpose, actually. Trust me, a month of "Still unemployed, no job, how will I survive, can't pay my rent, god I'm bored, I want a job" blah blah blah would have just bored all of us.

So my eternally intelligent girlfriend came up with a great idea. Become a film extra. Earn money, do something I'm interested in, make contacts, pick brains. It was a great idea. Can't believe I never thought of it. I signed up with an agency on Tuesday. My fretting over not being able to pay rent this week - hasn't changed yet - inspired me to call up and ask for work. And I got some!

It was a show called I Rock for ABC2. Doesn't start till February next year, for all of those out there with digital TV's. I'll keep you posted. Nearly 11 hours later, and I actually earned some money. Yay me.

More stuff coming up, but I'm knackered and couldn't be bothered typing.

So I'm currently experiencing a massive panic attack. And I can't call anyone, cause I don't have a phone.

This came out of nowhere. I was watching War of the worlds - the Spielberg one- and it hit me. Actually, I was thinking about my next electricity bill and how it's going to be nasty. Taking deep breaths now. OK starting to fade.

Ness was meant to come over tonight, but didn't. she was tired. It's fine by me, cause I'm not feeling the best anyway. Don't know what I'm eating, but it's having some nasty side effects.

Gotta keep talking. or typing. Just focusing on something else other than the pain in my chest. Thing about panic attacks, they feel like a heart attack. You're chest gets all tight, you can't breath. Hands are shaking like nothing else. Gotta keep focused. Just keep typing. Doesn't matter what, just keep typing. Went to Parramatta to talk to tony today. Poor bastard is going through some shit. Who isn't. He's thinking about turning to religion. Strange coincidence. Should listen to what the universe is telling me. What is going on with me? I'm really uncomfortable. Ah. Pain.

Think I'm calming down. Can't tell. Keep typing. keep typing. What the hell is that that hurts so much? Something to do with my leg. Nerve damage. Leg is getting worse. Can't sit in my car. Gonna go have a shower. Hot water. sounds good. Wish my hands would stop shaking.

I wonder who owns Automan. Wanna do a comic about it. Wish I coul, nope shakes are back. So's the chest thing. Breath deep, breath. Shower. Very good idea. Don't want to leave keyboard. Rorscahs journal. hrmm.

I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. Calm down. calm down. Don't know if this typing is helping. Calm. Breath.

OK, now I'm dizzy. My leg hurts. Gonna have a shower.



OK. I'm alright now.

Sexy, Sexy man!

I've been wanting to do this for a while. Now that I have some time on my hands. . .

Ever seen this thing?


IT was created by a plastic surgeon who primarily works with people who have been disfigured due to accident. He did a pretty extensive study on the physics of beauty. Using some strange calculation, which I think has something to do with 16:9, he mathematically created this mask, which he uses as a template when he recreates faces. John Cleese did a Doco on it, which is on You tube.

I found the mask on the web, and wanted to try it over my face, just to see how I measured up. Amie and her new Psychology degree can analyse the hell out of my insecurities for doing this, but I was curious.

But, instead of just laying it over and getting all upset and depressed about not matching up (I knew it wasn't going to, or else I would have had a lot less trouble with jobs and women over the years) I took it a little further. I took advantage of all that Photoshop knowledge that's going to waste right now and came up with a few images.

So here we go. This is me, untouched. I added the black in the background, but this is how I am normally.


This was the first thing I did. It said on this doco that beauty comes from symmetry. So I mirrored my face, just to get me straightened up a bit.


And here it is. The 'perfect' me. It took quite a bit of tweaking to get my face to fit into that stupid mask thing. But here I am, how I would look if I was more mathematically attractive.


You know what though? of the three, the one I like the best is the top one. Straight me. With all my flaws and imperfections. The broken nose, the scars, you name it. Because, at least it's a real face. I'm not the prettiest guy in the world, but it's my face and I like it. If others don't, who gives a shit.

In a strange sort of way, I think I just got a bit of closure over something that has been subconsciously bothering me for years. A weight I didn't even know was there has suddenly lifted off my shoulders.

Here grooves the bride

Normally I avoid these viral things like the plague (Leave Brittney Alone! Be a fucking man!) but this one I love.

I have so much respect for these guys. They wanted to do something unique for their day, and make it fun for everyone. I always respect the hell out of people who have the guts to find a way to put their own brand on things. I wish more people would do it.

Enjoy Jill and Kevin

Fucking FanBoys

Why Green Lantern Movie won't work.

You know what I hate? Comic book fans.

Let me elaborate. I just read at the above link a guy wining about the upcoming Green Lantern Movie, and why it will fail. He starts off explaining that he has been a life long Green Lantern fan.

There's your first reason to ignore the guy right there.

Now yeah, I am a comic book fan. And I'm very passionate about my fandom for the 4 colour sequential world. I also have lots of friends who share my passion. The big difference is that we are not HARD CORE fans. We're not fan boys.

What's the difference? Simple. I'm willing to give change a chance. Fanboy's aren't.

Case in point. My Ex is a huge X-men fan. She knows The histories, the interactions, all that. Personally, I hate the X-men. But I loved the movie. She, on the other hand, was pissed off by that film. Why? Because Wolverine and Rouge hate each other. That's it! In the comics, those two don't get along. So she would quite often launch into some diatribe about the films needing to be completely re shot, in accordance with the history established in the comics.

Now, movies and comics are two completely mediums. Yes, they highly influence each other. But one is not the other. So, things that work in comics, wouldn't necessarily work on film. There needs to be a certain level of translation. Same with books, or plays, or anything like that. It just seems that comics get the more insane fans. You know, I even heard people complaining that Wolverine should have been wearing the yellow spandex in the film. Who the hell wants to see that! For comics to be translated to film, you have to accept a level of adaption. You have to strip the story right back down to it's original idea and inspiration, and then re build up from there. I get this. Annoyingly though, most Fanboy's don't.

Which leads me to this above idiot. I couldn't even finish reading this fucking thing. He was trying to explain why Green Lantern won't work. All his explanations hark back to him being a comic fan. How can you do this story without all this back story and history from the comics? How can you explore this character without including all this continuity from the comics? How can you have this character without the last 50 fucking years of comic book stories? Simple. YOU DON'T!!!!

I learnt a very important lesson while watching the Watchmen movie. I really liked that movie. I think it was an excellent translation of the Graphic Novel, it was probably the closest and most faithful adaption of the work that will ever be made. But on my first viewing, sitting there in the theatre, less than a minute into the film, something dawned on me. I knew how that film was going to end. I knew and loved that story so much, that that film really didn't hold any surprises for me. (Not counting the sex scene in the Owlship. Woah.)

The point is, what's the point of telling the exact same story that has already been told? Tell your own fucking story, don't just repeat someone else's! And that's what a translation from comic to film should be! The character has been around for 40 or 50 years because there's been 40 or 50 years of new story tellers telling new stories. If you told the same story again and again, no one would keep reading it, and it wouldn't have had the impact and the staying power that the character seems to have had.

Fuck, I hope I'm making sense.

Green Lantern is a sci-fi action adventure story, with a little bit of a cop mystery story thrown in. They stick with that, they should be fine. I have my own ideas on how the movie should run, mostly just some key scenes. Ask me around a able one day and I'll recite them. But I'm leaving this in the hands of the film makers, and I'm going to reserve judgment until I've seen it.

And for all the Fanboys out there. You're entitled to your opinion. But that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to mine.

Screeching U-turn

Beginning of this week, I had work to keep me busy, money coming in and the promise of more of both.

Now, not so much.

I'm not going into it. Long, annoying story that just pisses me off every time I think about it. So, instead of being able to comfortably look for work and keep paying my bills, I'm kinda fucked and completely broke in say, two weeks. I can afford rent this week just gone and next week, and then that's it. So now I'm out and about, trying to just get a fucking job, regardless.

Last time I did that, I wound up at the cinema for three years.

I'm fucking shattered. Absolutely. I need to go out and just get the first fucking job that comes along. That NEVER works out.

I haven't been this bored or lonely in I don't know how long. Perfect time for me to pick a fight with Vanessa.

I'm going a little insane.

To try and keep myself occupied, I've been working on different art projects. Tony's Ozslaught pages, Cyborg Vampires, even RoboToon 4 pages. The one at the top I did just for the hell of it.

I like it.

Oh my God! I have a day off!

It sounds stupid, but this only really just dawned on me.

It's Saturday. Which, for at least the last three years, and maybe more for that matter, really hasn't meant anything to me. Maybe I had it off, maybe I didn't. It was just another day. Because of it being the weekend, I don't really have a lot of job searching options. I desperately don't want to have to work weekends anymore, so the last time I should be looking is the weekend! So, I'm at home, without much to do.

Normally, this would be driving me up the wall. But I am sitting here, in my place, just relaxing and watching a movie. I honestly don't think I've done that the whole time I've been here! I've had movies on, sure. But usually just as background noise, while I've been working on other things. To have the chance to just sit down, relax, not have to worry about anything and just enjoy a freaking movie?

I really don't have the words.

And I'm sick, for Christ sake! I should be just relaxing at home, letting myself get better! That too has been such an alien concept to me that it's a shock that I'm getting to do it. I've had to push through and suffer on for years now. Now I can just let my body heal itself. My God!

If it wasn't for the ever decreasing sum of money I have, I might actually be enjoying having this time off.

God I hate being unemployed.

So today, I went canvasing. I did yesterday as well, but that was in Parramatta. Today, I hit the big town. Caught the train into Sydney, armed only with a folder full of resumes, a two page list of businesses I could hit and my winning personality.

And I came up with bubkiss.

It was an interesting experience, I gotta admit. For instance, I never knew that paramount pictures had an office in Sydney. Found it! It was the first place I tried asking. Of course, there was nothing available, but I was kinda expecting that. It also amazes me how many businesses that are still advertised in the yellow pages no longer exist. There was one that I found completely hilarious. I had the address, found the building, went up to the appropriate floor and found . . . nothing. LITERALLY nothing! The entire floor was empty. It was surreal.

After about 5 hours of walking up and down Sydney and being rejected, I sort of got over the whole thing and headed home. There are still a couple places on my list that I have to try out, but that can wait for another day. I found an ad on seek when I got home that sounded really good and rang the guy advertised. Hopefully that at least leads to an interview, but I've got at least a week to wait before I find out. Not going to sit around and wait.

Speaking of waiting, that guy I had the interview with during the week didn't call today like he said he would. No real surprise there. If offered, I'd take the job, but after meeting him, I really don't want the job. Of course, you know what they say about beggars and choosers.

Soon. I will have a new job soon.

Gotta keep thinking that.

Progress?

The savings account just went under a thousand bucks. That gives me three more weeks of rent and bills. Centerlink, if it ever kicks in, will give me about 6 before I can't afford to live anymore. I've been dropping resumes off the last few days, but so far, zippo. I'm supposed to hear back from that interview I had the other day tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. You can tell in an interview when someone isn't interested, and they weren't. Don't know why the guy wasted both of our time. I'm hitting the city tomorrow. I have a two page list of places to hit, just in the CBD.

I'm trying very hard to stay positive. Very hard.

The Goal

I will have a new job by the end of this month.

- A job working in the creative industry.

- With a diverse and interesting range of work.

- In a friendly environment.

- With an easy commute, preferably on public transport.

- Earning a good salary - $45- $55

- Working weekdays only, NO WEEKENDS!!

- With Holiday, sick and super.

- Working for a decent boss.

Where do ideas come from?

So just recently, I took off up to Wagga in what I referred to as an impulsive inland trip in a desperate attempt to recharge my soul. Trust me, it helped.

Anyway, one of the nights I was up there, Steve dropped by and we proceeded to yell shit at each other, as we usually do. At some point - I don't remember how it came into the conversation - he spontaneously came up with a ridiculous title that kinda stuck in my head.

So last night, I home, I'm a little bored, I'm looking for something to do when I remember his title.

So here it is. My quick and rough 'cover' sketch for

"CYBORG VAMPIRE WOMEN FROM SPACE VS DINOSAURS"

Let's see them fit that on a ticket stub!

I even have a story, so you never know what I might come up with.

Owning up.

So I got myself fired again.

Really not a good feeling. And yes, I will freely admit it. It was my fault. I completely screwed up.

I should have quit over a year ago.

First up, this isn't me trying to shift the blame and somehow make it all 'not my fault'. I don't do that anymore. Truth be told, I had been screwing up a lot lately. It's actually really hard to get fired from - fuck it, I don't work there anymore - Hoyts. Get caught stealing something, insult a manager, fuck someone on the premises and you get kicked out pretty much straight away. Other than that, it takes a bit of effort on your part to get them to show you the door. I didn't do any of these. I got let go because I had been screwing my job up. Missing things mostly. A shitload of minor errors that all added up. And yeah, no excuses. It was all my fault. I was completely fucking up. Like it or not, I earned it.

Why was I fucking up so much? Simple. I didn't care anymore. No matter how hard I tried, I just could not make myself give a shit. I hated that place. I was so over it.

I had been working there for 3 years. Because of the nature of it, I had been working the entire three years without a break. And I really needed one. It was also casual shift work. Meaning there was absolutely no structure to it. I could work any time of the day or night, any day of the week. Mostly working at nights. I haven't had a weekend in over three years without having to book it a month in advance. This might sound like petty shit, but trust me, it adds up. My health - both physical and mental - was seriously degrading. Boy do I have some stories about that. If I wasn't fired, I was going to put in for stress leave.

So yeah. I'm out. I'm unemployed. Again. If you've ever been in this predicament, you'd recognise that awful feeling in the bottom of your gut. The thing is, it's a good thing. I HAD to get out. Just for me in general.

Like I've written before, I'm trying to take responsibility for my life. But I was missing half of the equation. I was owning up to what was wrong in my life, and trying to correct that. But I was ignoring that which wasn't right. In other words, you have to take responsibility for your happiness as well. If you're not happy in something, be it a relationship, a home, a job, or whatever, you take responsibility for it. Part of that is that you fix it if it's worth fixing. But, if it can't be fixed, or isn't worth fixing, you got to have the courage to admit that and move on. I didn't. I'll admit that. I stayed in a situation I shouldn't have long after I should have left. And because of that, it deteriorated to a point where one of us had to make a move. It turned out to my boss who did what had to be done. This is something that I have to take to heart and try to learn from.

I take a little comfort from the fact that I know, 5, 10 years ago if this had of happened, I would have been blaming them and saying it's all their fault, spinning the story to others to make me look like the victim.

I'm learning. Albeit slowly.

Fuck.

Through contacts, I had managed to find a lady who worked for a printers who was willing to give me quite sizable discounts in regards to printing. This is something that an amateur publisher like myself dreams about finding. Printing is one of the biggest costs involved in the amateur publishing racket, and one of the main reasons that people wind up dropping out.

Unfortunately, with the way things are going in he world right now, this extremely kind lady is no longer to able to help me out in this endeavour. I now have to pay full price for my printing costs. Which, the way things are going in the world, is not an appealing prospect, and may well be the reason I stop publishing comics.

Like I said. Fuck

The Accomplishment List

OK, I'm kinda doing this more for myself than anyone else. I was having a little bit of a dark moment last night, feeling like I kinda of wasted the last 10 years of my life. Which, after giving myself a mental face slap, I sort of realised wasn't true. Yeah, I will admit, I've made some choices that weren't exactly the best, but I've done some other things as well, things I should be proud of. So here we go. In no particular order. Me from 25 to nearly 35.

1. Managed to save 4 grand, even though I was unemployed for large chunks of the time.
2. Completed a Web Design course with distinctions in certain subjects.
3. Completed a Fine arts course, once again with distinctions in certain subjects.
4. Confronted my dad about him terrifying me for the last 30 years.
5. Wrote, drew and published 4 comics.
6. Took on a completely different career and managed to survive.
7. Managed to accomplish things in a short tenure as a 3D animator that would normally take up to 5 years of study to learn.
8. Made a film that was publicly shown in a film festival.
9. Moved out of home and made it on my own.
10. Went to my high school reunion and laid to rest a lot of old ghosts.
11. Made a lot of new friends whom I believe are going to be life long friends.
12. Found the love of my life.
13. Was entered in an art competition
14. Got a first aid degree.
15. Did a comedy routine.

That's all I can think of right now. Not the longest list in the world, but still it's stuff that I can truly be proud of. I'm sure if I made a list of things I've screwed up in the last ten years, it would be a much longer list, but still. It's not a crime to fail. Doesn't feel very good, but as long as you try to learn from it and keep growing, it's worthwhile.

And done.

At 4.09, Thursday morning, June 18th, I finished the last page of artwork for RoboToon Issue 3.

Man in the Mirror

When you were a kid, did your father ever yell at you "Have a good hard look at yourself!!"? If you were like me, if ever you heard this, it mostly meant that you were in some seriously deep shit from the old man. Let's face it, this was always one step away from "You're a worthless little shit and I should have invested in birth control!!". And like most, I usually ignored it. Strangely though, that old dad cliche has been coming back to haunt me recently. Because I actually HAVE been having a good hard look at myself. And the truth is, I don't really like what I see.

This isn't really a recent phenomenon. I have moments in my past where I look back and see the person I was and realise what a scumbag I kinda was. I feel sorry for my parents when I think of the type of kid I was. I was a punk of a teenager. I made some progress in my twenties, but not a hell of a lot. Even now, in my thirties, I still see myself in past events and don't like the guy I was. But that has almost always been a retroactive opinion. There would be times I see myself, but gloss over the bade parts. But for a while now, I'm looking at me, as am now. And there are things about me I really don't like.

The lying is the big one. I just do it. It's out of my mouth before I even realise what it is I'm saying. It's never huge stuff - I'm not trying to convince people I'm something I'm not. My name really is Shannon Browning - but if I'm in a situation where I'm in trouble, or something has happened that was either directly of indirectly my fault, I do tend to find someway of explaining it that doesn't make me look so bad. Putting a spin on it, I believe most advertisers would call it. The thing about that is, you actually start believing it. And I hate it. About the only person I don't lie to in some form or another is my friend Amie. No, I'm not just saying that because she reads this. Her, and her Husbands opinions of me a very important, so I try to be as truthful as possible. The fact that she can just get the truth out of me even when I'm lying to myself is a big factor as well.

The other big thing is that I seem to have this thing about getting something for nothing. if there's some way I can cheat the system, I'll try and do it. This, more often than not, leads to some rather big problems and also leads me back to problem number one. Again, not something I am proud of. The stupid part is, even when I catch myself doing these things, I do feel ashamed of myself, but proceed to do them anyway.

Why the hell then am I writing about these, here in this public forum? Why am I risking the opinions of those who know me and read this thing. Because, as I said, I'm looking at myself and not liking certain parts. So, I'm trying to change them. Confessing to these things is a big part of it. I'm putting it out there so people know I do these things, in an attempt to not do these things. I truly do want to be a better human being then what I've been. I just didn't know where else to start.

I think the real reason that I'm doing this is because, twofold, I don't like who I've been and wish to improve. But also, I finally have someone in my life that means the world to me. And I think she deserves to have a good man in her life. She seems to think, for now, that that man is me. So it's now up to me to become the type of man believe she deserves.

I want to be a better man. Both for her sake, and for my own. Please understand why I am trying and forgive me if I fall.

And the tally is. . .

15 pages and cover down. 11 to go.

I really would like to know where I suddenly get this work ethic from every time I do a new book.