So I'm currently experiencing a massive panic attack. And I can't call anyone, cause I don't have a phone.

This came out of nowhere. I was watching War of the worlds - the Spielberg one- and it hit me. Actually, I was thinking about my next electricity bill and how it's going to be nasty. Taking deep breaths now. OK starting to fade.

Ness was meant to come over tonight, but didn't. she was tired. It's fine by me, cause I'm not feeling the best anyway. Don't know what I'm eating, but it's having some nasty side effects.

Gotta keep talking. or typing. Just focusing on something else other than the pain in my chest. Thing about panic attacks, they feel like a heart attack. You're chest gets all tight, you can't breath. Hands are shaking like nothing else. Gotta keep focused. Just keep typing. Doesn't matter what, just keep typing. Went to Parramatta to talk to tony today. Poor bastard is going through some shit. Who isn't. He's thinking about turning to religion. Strange coincidence. Should listen to what the universe is telling me. What is going on with me? I'm really uncomfortable. Ah. Pain.

Think I'm calming down. Can't tell. Keep typing. keep typing. What the hell is that that hurts so much? Something to do with my leg. Nerve damage. Leg is getting worse. Can't sit in my car. Gonna go have a shower. Hot water. sounds good. Wish my hands would stop shaking.

I wonder who owns Automan. Wanna do a comic about it. Wish I coul, nope shakes are back. So's the chest thing. Breath deep, breath. Shower. Very good idea. Don't want to leave keyboard. Rorscahs journal. hrmm.

I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. Calm down. calm down. Don't know if this typing is helping. Calm. Breath.

OK, now I'm dizzy. My leg hurts. Gonna have a shower.



OK. I'm alright now.

Sexy, Sexy man!

I've been wanting to do this for a while. Now that I have some time on my hands. . .

Ever seen this thing?


IT was created by a plastic surgeon who primarily works with people who have been disfigured due to accident. He did a pretty extensive study on the physics of beauty. Using some strange calculation, which I think has something to do with 16:9, he mathematically created this mask, which he uses as a template when he recreates faces. John Cleese did a Doco on it, which is on You tube.

I found the mask on the web, and wanted to try it over my face, just to see how I measured up. Amie and her new Psychology degree can analyse the hell out of my insecurities for doing this, but I was curious.

But, instead of just laying it over and getting all upset and depressed about not matching up (I knew it wasn't going to, or else I would have had a lot less trouble with jobs and women over the years) I took it a little further. I took advantage of all that Photoshop knowledge that's going to waste right now and came up with a few images.

So here we go. This is me, untouched. I added the black in the background, but this is how I am normally.


This was the first thing I did. It said on this doco that beauty comes from symmetry. So I mirrored my face, just to get me straightened up a bit.


And here it is. The 'perfect' me. It took quite a bit of tweaking to get my face to fit into that stupid mask thing. But here I am, how I would look if I was more mathematically attractive.


You know what though? of the three, the one I like the best is the top one. Straight me. With all my flaws and imperfections. The broken nose, the scars, you name it. Because, at least it's a real face. I'm not the prettiest guy in the world, but it's my face and I like it. If others don't, who gives a shit.

In a strange sort of way, I think I just got a bit of closure over something that has been subconsciously bothering me for years. A weight I didn't even know was there has suddenly lifted off my shoulders.

Here grooves the bride

Normally I avoid these viral things like the plague (Leave Brittney Alone! Be a fucking man!) but this one I love.

I have so much respect for these guys. They wanted to do something unique for their day, and make it fun for everyone. I always respect the hell out of people who have the guts to find a way to put their own brand on things. I wish more people would do it.

Enjoy Jill and Kevin

Fucking FanBoys

Why Green Lantern Movie won't work.

You know what I hate? Comic book fans.

Let me elaborate. I just read at the above link a guy wining about the upcoming Green Lantern Movie, and why it will fail. He starts off explaining that he has been a life long Green Lantern fan.

There's your first reason to ignore the guy right there.

Now yeah, I am a comic book fan. And I'm very passionate about my fandom for the 4 colour sequential world. I also have lots of friends who share my passion. The big difference is that we are not HARD CORE fans. We're not fan boys.

What's the difference? Simple. I'm willing to give change a chance. Fanboy's aren't.

Case in point. My Ex is a huge X-men fan. She knows The histories, the interactions, all that. Personally, I hate the X-men. But I loved the movie. She, on the other hand, was pissed off by that film. Why? Because Wolverine and Rouge hate each other. That's it! In the comics, those two don't get along. So she would quite often launch into some diatribe about the films needing to be completely re shot, in accordance with the history established in the comics.

Now, movies and comics are two completely mediums. Yes, they highly influence each other. But one is not the other. So, things that work in comics, wouldn't necessarily work on film. There needs to be a certain level of translation. Same with books, or plays, or anything like that. It just seems that comics get the more insane fans. You know, I even heard people complaining that Wolverine should have been wearing the yellow spandex in the film. Who the hell wants to see that! For comics to be translated to film, you have to accept a level of adaption. You have to strip the story right back down to it's original idea and inspiration, and then re build up from there. I get this. Annoyingly though, most Fanboy's don't.

Which leads me to this above idiot. I couldn't even finish reading this fucking thing. He was trying to explain why Green Lantern won't work. All his explanations hark back to him being a comic fan. How can you do this story without all this back story and history from the comics? How can you explore this character without including all this continuity from the comics? How can you have this character without the last 50 fucking years of comic book stories? Simple. YOU DON'T!!!!

I learnt a very important lesson while watching the Watchmen movie. I really liked that movie. I think it was an excellent translation of the Graphic Novel, it was probably the closest and most faithful adaption of the work that will ever be made. But on my first viewing, sitting there in the theatre, less than a minute into the film, something dawned on me. I knew how that film was going to end. I knew and loved that story so much, that that film really didn't hold any surprises for me. (Not counting the sex scene in the Owlship. Woah.)

The point is, what's the point of telling the exact same story that has already been told? Tell your own fucking story, don't just repeat someone else's! And that's what a translation from comic to film should be! The character has been around for 40 or 50 years because there's been 40 or 50 years of new story tellers telling new stories. If you told the same story again and again, no one would keep reading it, and it wouldn't have had the impact and the staying power that the character seems to have had.

Fuck, I hope I'm making sense.

Green Lantern is a sci-fi action adventure story, with a little bit of a cop mystery story thrown in. They stick with that, they should be fine. I have my own ideas on how the movie should run, mostly just some key scenes. Ask me around a able one day and I'll recite them. But I'm leaving this in the hands of the film makers, and I'm going to reserve judgment until I've seen it.

And for all the Fanboys out there. You're entitled to your opinion. But that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to mine.

Screeching U-turn

Beginning of this week, I had work to keep me busy, money coming in and the promise of more of both.

Now, not so much.

I'm not going into it. Long, annoying story that just pisses me off every time I think about it. So, instead of being able to comfortably look for work and keep paying my bills, I'm kinda fucked and completely broke in say, two weeks. I can afford rent this week just gone and next week, and then that's it. So now I'm out and about, trying to just get a fucking job, regardless.

Last time I did that, I wound up at the cinema for three years.

I'm fucking shattered. Absolutely. I need to go out and just get the first fucking job that comes along. That NEVER works out.

I haven't been this bored or lonely in I don't know how long. Perfect time for me to pick a fight with Vanessa.

I'm going a little insane.

To try and keep myself occupied, I've been working on different art projects. Tony's Ozslaught pages, Cyborg Vampires, even RoboToon 4 pages. The one at the top I did just for the hell of it.

I like it.

Oh my God! I have a day off!

It sounds stupid, but this only really just dawned on me.

It's Saturday. Which, for at least the last three years, and maybe more for that matter, really hasn't meant anything to me. Maybe I had it off, maybe I didn't. It was just another day. Because of it being the weekend, I don't really have a lot of job searching options. I desperately don't want to have to work weekends anymore, so the last time I should be looking is the weekend! So, I'm at home, without much to do.

Normally, this would be driving me up the wall. But I am sitting here, in my place, just relaxing and watching a movie. I honestly don't think I've done that the whole time I've been here! I've had movies on, sure. But usually just as background noise, while I've been working on other things. To have the chance to just sit down, relax, not have to worry about anything and just enjoy a freaking movie?

I really don't have the words.

And I'm sick, for Christ sake! I should be just relaxing at home, letting myself get better! That too has been such an alien concept to me that it's a shock that I'm getting to do it. I've had to push through and suffer on for years now. Now I can just let my body heal itself. My God!

If it wasn't for the ever decreasing sum of money I have, I might actually be enjoying having this time off.

God I hate being unemployed.

So today, I went canvasing. I did yesterday as well, but that was in Parramatta. Today, I hit the big town. Caught the train into Sydney, armed only with a folder full of resumes, a two page list of businesses I could hit and my winning personality.

And I came up with bubkiss.

It was an interesting experience, I gotta admit. For instance, I never knew that paramount pictures had an office in Sydney. Found it! It was the first place I tried asking. Of course, there was nothing available, but I was kinda expecting that. It also amazes me how many businesses that are still advertised in the yellow pages no longer exist. There was one that I found completely hilarious. I had the address, found the building, went up to the appropriate floor and found . . . nothing. LITERALLY nothing! The entire floor was empty. It was surreal.

After about 5 hours of walking up and down Sydney and being rejected, I sort of got over the whole thing and headed home. There are still a couple places on my list that I have to try out, but that can wait for another day. I found an ad on seek when I got home that sounded really good and rang the guy advertised. Hopefully that at least leads to an interview, but I've got at least a week to wait before I find out. Not going to sit around and wait.

Speaking of waiting, that guy I had the interview with during the week didn't call today like he said he would. No real surprise there. If offered, I'd take the job, but after meeting him, I really don't want the job. Of course, you know what they say about beggars and choosers.

Soon. I will have a new job soon.

Gotta keep thinking that.