So I'm currently experiencing a massive panic attack. And I can't call anyone, cause I don't have a phone.
This came out of nowhere. I was watching War of the worlds - the Spielberg one- and it hit me. Actually, I was thinking about my next electricity bill and how it's going to be nasty. Taking deep breaths now. OK starting to fade.
Ness was meant to come over tonight, but didn't. she was tired. It's fine by me, cause I'm not feeling the best anyway. Don't know what I'm eating, but it's having some nasty side effects.
Gotta keep talking. or typing. Just focusing on something else other than the pain in my chest. Thing about panic attacks, they feel like a heart attack. You're chest gets all tight, you can't breath. Hands are shaking like nothing else. Gotta keep focused. Just keep typing. Doesn't matter what, just keep typing. Went to Parramatta to talk to tony today. Poor bastard is going through some shit. Who isn't. He's thinking about turning to religion. Strange coincidence. Should listen to what the universe is telling me. What is going on with me? I'm really uncomfortable. Ah. Pain.
Think I'm calming down. Can't tell. Keep typing. keep typing. What the hell is that that hurts so much? Something to do with my leg. Nerve damage. Leg is getting worse. Can't sit in my car. Gonna go have a shower. Hot water. sounds good. Wish my hands would stop shaking.
I wonder who owns Automan. Wanna do a comic about it. Wish I coul, nope shakes are back. So's the chest thing. Breath deep, breath. Shower. Very good idea. Don't want to leave keyboard. Rorscahs journal. hrmm.
I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. I'll have a job again soon. Calm down. calm down. Don't know if this typing is helping. Calm. Breath.
OK, now I'm dizzy. My leg hurts. Gonna have a shower.
OK. I'm alright now.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Sexy, Sexy man!
I've been wanting to do this for a while. Now that I have some time on my hands. . .
Ever seen this thing?
IT was created by a plastic surgeon who primarily works with people who have been disfigured due to accident. He did a pretty extensive study on the physics of beauty. Using some strange calculation, which I think has something to do with 16:9, he mathematically created this mask, which he uses as a template when he recreates faces. John Cleese did a Doco on it, which is on You tube.
I found the mask on the web, and wanted to try it over my face, just to see how I measured up. Amie and her new Psychology degree can analyse the hell out of my insecurities for doing this, but I was curious.
But, instead of just laying it over and getting all upset and depressed about not matching up (I knew it wasn't going to, or else I would have had a lot less trouble with jobs and women over the years) I took it a little further. I took advantage of all that Photoshop knowledge that's going to waste right now and came up with a few images.
So here we go. This is me, untouched. I added the black in the background, but this is how I am normally.
This was the first thing I did. It said on this doco that beauty comes from symmetry. So I mirrored my face, just to get me straightened up a bit.
And here it is. The 'perfect' me. It took quite a bit of tweaking to get my face to fit into that stupid mask thing. But here I am, how I would look if I was more mathematically attractive.
You know what though? of the three, the one I like the best is the top one. Straight me. With all my flaws and imperfections. The broken nose, the scars, you name it. Because, at least it's a real face. I'm not the prettiest guy in the world, but it's my face and I like it. If others don't, who gives a shit.
In a strange sort of way, I think I just got a bit of closure over something that has been subconsciously bothering me for years. A weight I didn't even know was there has suddenly lifted off my shoulders.
Ever seen this thing?
IT was created by a plastic surgeon who primarily works with people who have been disfigured due to accident. He did a pretty extensive study on the physics of beauty. Using some strange calculation, which I think has something to do with 16:9, he mathematically created this mask, which he uses as a template when he recreates faces. John Cleese did a Doco on it, which is on You tube.
I found the mask on the web, and wanted to try it over my face, just to see how I measured up. Amie and her new Psychology degree can analyse the hell out of my insecurities for doing this, but I was curious.
But, instead of just laying it over and getting all upset and depressed about not matching up (I knew it wasn't going to, or else I would have had a lot less trouble with jobs and women over the years) I took it a little further. I took advantage of all that Photoshop knowledge that's going to waste right now and came up with a few images.
So here we go. This is me, untouched. I added the black in the background, but this is how I am normally.
This was the first thing I did. It said on this doco that beauty comes from symmetry. So I mirrored my face, just to get me straightened up a bit.
And here it is. The 'perfect' me. It took quite a bit of tweaking to get my face to fit into that stupid mask thing. But here I am, how I would look if I was more mathematically attractive.
You know what though? of the three, the one I like the best is the top one. Straight me. With all my flaws and imperfections. The broken nose, the scars, you name it. Because, at least it's a real face. I'm not the prettiest guy in the world, but it's my face and I like it. If others don't, who gives a shit.
In a strange sort of way, I think I just got a bit of closure over something that has been subconsciously bothering me for years. A weight I didn't even know was there has suddenly lifted off my shoulders.
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